Danger Signs To Watch Out For

"Ninety percent of people who die by suicide suffer from a treatable psychiatric disorder, most often depression," says Paula Clayton, MD, medical director for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Here's how to recognize the symptoms of serious depression - either in yourself or in someone you know - before it's too late.

In Yourself

Something feels wrong: You're less happy, less motivated, and less you than you used to be.

High anxiety: You are constantly stressed, wake up frequently during the night, and feel worse in the morning. This goes on for weeks or months at a time.

Sleep problems: Nearly everyone has trouble sleeping at some point. But if you used to snooze well and now you can't get through the night or conversely, if you sleep all day and can't drag yourself out of bed, it could be depression, especially if you have some other symptoms as well.

Apathy: You have lost interest in things you used to love, like food, fashion, or sex.

Suicidal obsession: You are preoccupied with death or suicide stories or contemplate, in detail, how you'd kill yourself.

How To Get Help

- Tell someone immediately - a parent, a friend, anyone you trust.
- Contact your doctor, who can refer you to a psychiatrist.
- If you're in college, try the campus health center or counseling service.
- Or, call the Suicide Prevention Hotline in the Philippines - the Crisis Line is free and confidentiality is guaranteed - at (02)893-7606 and 893-7603.

In Someone Else

You notice some of the symptoms listed above; also keep an ey out for sign like these.

Booze and drug binges: Your two-beer-a-week pal is suddenly downing a bottle of wine a night.

Slobbiness: A decline in grooming - such as looking like she hasn't seen a hair brush in weeks - is a danger sign.

Resignation: Comments like "Why bother living?" or "Nobody cares about me" or "There's no point in going to work. My life is crap!" can be cries for help.

Absences: Repeatedly not showing up to work or class, or signals like dropping off the social scene can be cause for alarm.

Hypotheticals: It's one thing to talk about suicide in the abstract. But, mentioning a specific suicidal plan - "I'd take five sleeping pills and jump off a bridge or a building" - is a huge red flag.

How to Get Help

-Tell your friend you're worried about her. If she does admit to having suicidal feelings...
- ... take her to the ER if suicide seems immenent.

- If it's not urgent, help her make an appointment with a doctor, a couselor or therapist.
- If she refuses, call her family or a suicide- prevention hotline.

Source: Cosmopolitan Magazine, April 2009

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Are You Grown Up?

(By Judith Stone)

"Maturity includes openness to experience, trust in oneself, having an internal code to guide value judgements and developing the willingness to regard personality as an ever changing process."

If only there were a clear-cut test of maturity: "If U Cn Rd Ths, Yr An Adult." Or a public service announcement: "The American Grown-up Society urges you to learn the seven warning signs of maturity: Sneezy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc..."

But there are no such signposts, and many of us are confused, especially those who grew up with firm but misguided expectations about what the signs of maturity might be. At one point early in life, I was convinced that the issue was tissue: When you had a box of Kleenex in every single room in your house, it seemed to me, you were an adult. Bette Midler once said that she'd always thought you were grown-up when you had a rug in the bathroom. A college advisor informed a friend od mine that maturity meant being able to tolerate ambiguity, though my friend was fairly sure it had more to do with having book shelves that didn't involve cinder blocks.

Using the scientifically sound method of Asking Around, I learned that among the highly anticipated signs of adulthood were the first non-hand-me-down sofa, the first matching plates, the first BMW (the first BMW?) and earning your age.

Latter it turned out that the real markers, the ones that made the people I talked to feel like adults on the cellular level, were far different. My friend Dennis says he knew he was an adult when going to sleep early felt like a privilege, not a punishment. "I used to think adults handled everything calmly because they were mature," he says. "Now I know they're just too exhausted to get upset." For one women, the passage to maturity was making a career decision not based on how it would affect her life with a man. "I realized that no one was going to save me and I had to take care of things myself. And by the way, "she adds, "this isn't something that sticks once you feel it. You have to recapture this territory over and over." Other reported milestones: realizing that not everyone has to like you; no longer needing to bait your parents; abandoning the philosophy "If it feels good, do it."

"I actually stopped doing things I wanted to do but that I knew would be bad for me in the long run," one woman said. "I realized this the day I sat under a beach umbrella instead of frying in the noonday sun. But it didn't happen in that second; apparently I'd been doing adulthood for a while before I noticed."

Aha. A pattern. Though each of these markers is idiosyncratic - there's no one wasy to become an adult - all were ultimately about behaving as if you're a person who takes responsibility for herself and the consequences of her actions, acknowledges that she's part of something larger than herself, and knows how to deal with others' needs as well as her own.

In fact, several people, men and women, told me they didn't really feel like adults until they had children. Not just because of the satisfying comparisons - it's easy to feel superior to a small, incontinent person who chews on her feet - it's that suddenly you're the protector; another's needs and desires must take precedence over your own. Adulthood can also be forged in the fire of loss: The death or serious illness of a parent changes your perspective. But you don't have to have a child or lose a parent to experience the shock of mortality or the sweet surge of selflessness.

If you have trouble thinking of yourself as adult, maybe it's because deep down you don't want to be one. (And if your response to this statement is "I know what you are, but what am I?" some soul searching may be in order.) Perhaps you had lousy adult role models and you don't want to be like those people. Maybe you hear only the groan in grown-up. Maybe you equate maturity with giving in, selling out, the death of dreams.

The psychologist Carl Rogers offered a wonderful one-size-fits-all description of adulthood. Maturity, he said, includes openness to experience, trust in oneself, having an internal code to guide value judgements and developing the willingness to regard personality as an ever-changing process rather than a static product. He mentioned nothing about Kleenex.

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Signs of Having a Bad Day

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You are YOU

You are a distinctive and individual expression of a Creative Force. You are not a blueprint or a carbon copy or a ditto of anyone past, present or future. You are you and there is no one quite like you in the world.

You don't look exactly like anyone else, you don't live exactly like anyone else. There are things you can do better than anyone else. There are things you can do better than anyone else can do them, and there are qualities and talents that non one else can possess in exactly the same way that you do. There are thoughts that are you own special revelation. That which makes you YOU is personal, unique and exclusive. All of this is a reflection of a world and a life within.

Talk about how to be a success! the successful person is simply the one who does his best with the things he can do better than anyone else.

Talk about living well! Who lives better than the one who is true to his own inner light?

Talk about being interesting! What is more interesting than the person who is being himself?

Talk about how to be happy! The happy self-unfolded people are those who, with a will to believe in the world and the life within, have found that the secret of really getting the most our of life is to make the most of the qualities that are innately their own...

In this world within, your world, you are the most important figure. There is a place that on one else can fill. There is an influence that no one else can impart. There is a life that no one else can live quite as well as you can live it. What you do with your life within, in terms of self-realization, self-awareness, self-denial and self-expression, is the greatest challenge that can come to you.

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When Girls Take The Initiative

There is a thin line between being available and being too forward. The girl who gets a reputation for being a flirt finds that many of the nicer boys and girls avoid her. Yet, when a girl acts too demure or feigns coolness or disinterest out of fear, she may chase boys away and miss out on the fun of friendship and dating. It is important to remember that boys are also scared and shy, and a smile or gesture from you can begin a friendship.

Girls frequently ask if it's all right to telephone the boys they like. Well - let's look at it from the boy's point of view. If Joan calls Jim about a specific question, or to invite him to some definite affair, he can respond without necessarily feeling that she has put him on the spot. If she calls repeatedly, or for no particular purpose except to chat aimlessly, his family may tease him and he becomes embarassed by her "chasing".

Custom has it that a girl may speak first when meeting a bot on the street or in the hallway at school. She doesn't have to wait for the boy to nod or address her. It's simple courtesy that she recognize him with some friendly greeting or gesture. She does this making some pleasant sign that she recognizea the boy, and that she feels friendly toward him. She may smile or nod, or say "Hello" or "Hi, Jim!" Perhaps she'll add some casual remark.

But a girl should not interrupt a boy who is talking to someone or is with a group of fellows, or is obviously absorbed in something else. That, too, is simpe courtesy. If a boy indicates his awareness of her by disengaging himself from the group, or shows her in some other way that he knows she's there, she greets him.

A girl gets a reputation for being "fast" not because she's friendly toward boys but because of the way she behaves when they are around. The "forward" girl overly emphasizes the fact that she's a female - by the way in which she dresses, walks, talks, looks and laughs. She goes beyond the bounds of what is considered " nice" in her attention to the boys. By her seductiveness she encourages boys to be too fresh, too loud, and too boisterous.

Is it ever all right for a girl to chase a boy? Throughout the ages women have found ways of being appealing and interesting to the men they have liked. Nowadays girls taking more initiative than ever. The important thing is that a girl not be too obvious, or she defeats her own purpose. It's best if she waits for some sign of a boy's interest before she remarks on a campaign. And then she must make it Jook as though he, rather than she, is the pursuer. In Grandma's formula, it's all right for a girl to "chase a fellow until he catches her."

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Which Is Better: Right-Brained or Left-Brained?

This is a continuation of the article I posted about "Are you left or right brained?" few days ago. After you have determined which side of the brain you are, then maybe you would ask, which is better?

Until fairly recently, the right side of the brain "got no respect." That's not too surprising when you think about the emphasis our society places on the functions of the left brain. That's the side of the brain you depend on to perform most of your schoolwork, such as reading, writing and math. And that's the side of the brain that's usually being evaluated or measured when teachers give you grades.

Lately, however, more and more emphasis is being placed on the right brain as the key to increasing intuitive powers and unlocking creativity. In fact, many books are now available that try to teach us how to call on the natural, irrational powers of the right brain. Scientists are recognizing that it is the experience of sudden insight - that ah-ah! moment when answers appear out of nowhere - that actually helps us to solve problems that the rational, logical left brain can't figure out.

How to get your mind to shift to the right?

Most of us are left-brained, but that could be because we don't know how to get our right brains cranking. If you have a problem that you can't figure out - or you just want to give your left brain a break - try these tricks.

* Instead of trying to force a solution, put the problem aside for a while and go on to somehing else.

* Let your mind wander.

* Go for a long walk, take a nap or a bath, listen to some mellow music.

* Paint a picture, play the guitar, make a collage.

These actions may help your right brain to "incubate" information provided by the left brain so that insight may develop.

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Friendliness

Anyone can say why friendliness is important. Just seeing how you respond to a friendly person, you can tell why friendliness is an asset. A friendly person makes you feel good, doesn't he? An unfriendly one, on the other hand, leaves you uncomfortable and even angry.

Some people find it difficult to be friendly. Some just don't know how. Others are so shy that everyone they meet think them unfriendly.

How can you develop friendliness to improve your personality? Here are suggestions that will help:

1. Have the right attitude towards other people. Remember that in nine cases out of ten the other person wants to be friendly with you if you will just give him a chance. You have to be interested in people to have this attitude. Meet them with a smile and greet them with a cheerful "Hello", "Good morning!" or "Good afternoon!" two or three times before a conversation.

2. Figure out something ahead of time to talk about something that you know the other person is interested in. Try to keep your mind on the person and what he is saying. You need to give the other fellow your full attention. That way you won't be thinking of yourself and worrying how nervous you are.

3. After getting a bit acquainted, try doing things for your friend. Perhaps you could lend him a book or you might give him a simple treat in nearby refreshment parlor. Any little friendly gesture will make a person feel good and will make you feel good, too.

While being friendly will help go a long way, being over friendly will drive people away. Here are some questions which will test whether you are the overfriendly and annoying type.

1. Do you talk all the time and give no chance to other people present and in what they say or do?

2. Do you praise people frequently without being sincere about your praise?

3, Do you always try to be a clown, making fun of others particularly?

4. Are you always thinking about the impression you are going to make rather than being interested in the other people present and in what they say or do?

5. Do you "rush" your friends? To "rush" is to be always asking them to do something for you, something which would take up most of their leisure time.

If you have more "YES" answers than "NO", you are being overfriendly. Being friendly doesn't mean you have to try hard. It simply means being sincere in everything and to everyone.

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Love Can Change the World

"Love is the greatest miracle-worker of all time."

One day a man met a small boy trudging along, carrying his brother on his back. The man, seeing the boy's burden almost as big as himself, asked if it was not too much for him. The boy replied in all childish sincerity: "Aw, he's not heavy; he's my brother."

Most of us are quite a few years older than this boy, but we can learn a wonderful lesson from hi, just the same. His small sacrifice has a most important message. It shows the one thing that this world badly needs; the one thing that can solve all its problems; the one thing everyone talks about but almost no one really gives - and that is love!

Love gives life purpose, makes all things possible, and sweetens every sacrifice. It is the greatest miracle - worker of all time.

We can put such thoughts into practice in our daily lives. We must think love, give love, even put love where there is no love!

Is it very hard to obey our parents? It needn't be. It isn't of we do it with love. Love can do the impossible. It has been said that the hardest thing for us to give is to "give in." But love can do it. When harsh or unkind words have caused an icy silence between us and our love ones, be the first one to say "I'm sorry." Love melts pride.

Love can make us overcome our dislikes, too. Often, we find it hard to like some people. We can bend over backwards to get to know them better. Let us forget our whims for a while and take all.

Love make sacrifices sweet! When someone is sick at home, he needs us more than ever. Let us put aside every other thing to give him the care and attention he needs and deserves. We wait on him, sit up at night, give up our sleep if necessary. Why? Love is the answer. It is no trouble when we do it with love.

Yes, love is the only thing that can change the world. And only when men realize this will we have a real and a just peace.

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How to Stop Checking Yourself Out All the Time?

How you face yourself can change how you feel about your looks. To find out how often you use mirrors, start by guessing the answers to these questions.

1. How many mirrors are you involved with - at home, at work, in your purse, your car, for brief encouters?

2. How many mirrors do you use for special purposes - magnifying mirrors, makeup mirrors, rearview mirrors?

3. How often do you check a mirror of any kind each day?

4. About how much time do you spend each time you look in a mirror?

Now find out how accurate your guesses were: For a few days, count each time you check yourself out in a mirror. Then figure your "average daily mirror time." Was it higher or lower than you expected?

Now answer these questions honestly:

1. When you face the mirror, are you looking at hair,skin, clothing, size, etc.?

2. Are you looking for a problem, information, evidence that you're lovely, proof that you're not, etc.?

3. Do you expect (hope) the mirror will tell you "Yes, I'm as pretty as I thoug," "No, I'm not any different than yesterday," "How did a nice person like you get stuck in a body like this," "You look great, stop worrying," etc.?

If your mirror habits seem excessive, cut back: Remove or cover a mirror you can live without. Make each mirror "encounter" a bit shorter than your norm. Cutting down toward becoming less preoccupied with your appearance.

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Do You Like Yourself Too Much? 6 Ways to Tell

Recognizing your accomplishments – and demanding respect for them – are two signs of emotional well-being. Less clear-cut is the point at which healthy appreciation turns into unhealthy narcissism. Psychologist Steven Berglas, Ph.D., author of The Success Syndrome: Hitting Bottom When You Reach the Top, points out six signals of self-love overindulgence.

1. You toot your own horn excessively – not out of a healthy sense of pride, but out of a deep-rooted need to be noticed, praised and reassured of your self-worth.

2. You have an inflated sense of yourself. To satisfy your yen for admiration, you exaggerate your talents and assets to an extreme degree. For example, you may brag you’re a terrific hostess, yet you haven’t thrown a party in years.

3. You have an unwarranted sense of entitlement. Because of your feelings of grandiosity, you always demand the best – expensive cars, clothes, jewelry, etc., and in particular, special treatment from others. You don’t insist on a good table at a restaurant, but the best table.

4. You are exploitive of or insensitive of others. You magnify your own gains, you callously point out others’ shortcomings. “It’s too bad you didn’t get the account, Bob. Of course it was given to me because I have a better track record.”

5. You’re overly sensitive to criticism. You perceive it as a life-threatening blow to your self-esteem, responding with rage instead of mild indignation or acceptance.

6. You’re told by others that you’re selfish and demeaning. The outside world may pick up on the telltale signs of unhealthy narcisissim long before you do; listen to the feedback.

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Artistic Flirting

You probably wouldn't be reading this if your mother hadn't deployed a Type III glance in your father's direction sometime you were born. That's right. A Type III, known as a "fixed gaze" in the parlance of the lab, is just one of the 52 gestures women use to attract men - gestures that have been coded and catalogued by Monica Moore, Ph.D., a psychologist at Webster University in St. Louis, who has studied flirting for more than 15 years.

Dr. Moore found that while men often make the more overt maneuver in courtship - what social scientists call "the approach" - it's women who send out the initial invitation by smiling, patting their hair or licking their lips. Even though these may be unconscious gestures, flirting is the cornerstone of the population growth.

After two decades of staking out single bars, campus libraries and malls, Moore is convinced that regardless of age, race or class, women signal and keep men's attention with a finite number of movements. To give you an idea of how flirting might work, I've pieced together a few of Moore's observations. It's a mating ritual that is guaranteed to get him out of his chair and over to your table. Maybe even onto the dance floor.

1. Start with a Type I glance. It's a generalized introduction to your movement. You simply "scope out" the room until you see someone you like.

2. Now that that you've founf him, focus on him with a bout of Type II or "short, darting" glances in his general direction. Gradually work some smiles in.

3. If you're talking with a friend, stay animated. Primp a little. Touch your clothes even if they don't need adjusting. Toss your head, run your fingers through your hair and do some hair flips.

4. If he still doesn't approach, "parade" past him on the way to the restroom or jukebox. On your way back to your chair, throw him a glance.

5. Back at your seat, give him more direct stares. If there's music, move your body to the beat. If that doesn't get him, he's probably married: try another guy.

(Condensed from Self by Mary Talbot)

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What We Wear Matters

The way we adorn the body shell we live in can significantly affect both our self-perceptions and how others perceive us. My considerable hitch-hiking experiences during my college days taught me early that a neat appearing young woman (looking apprepriately hopeful, by the way) was more kempt to be offered rides than one with a more unkempt look. You may have noted from your own personal experiences that what you wear can significantly alter your feelings about yourself on a particular day. Bright, cheery colors tend to elicit positive comments, which in turn, help us feel good about ourselves.

Consider some examples of how clothes influence the behavior of others. One enterprising researcher arranged to have a thirty-one year old male model approach an intersection crowded with other pedestrians and either obey or violate the traffic signal. An interesting thing happened. When he walked against the red light while dressed neatly in a coat and tie, significantly more people would follow his example by disobeying the stop signal than was the case when he was dressed in plain everday work clothes.

Somewhat similar results were obtained in a novel experiment that involved placing a dime in pay phone return slots and then having men and women in two kinds of dress approach using these phones with the following request: "Excuse me, I think I might left a dime in this phone booth a few minutes ago. Did you find it?" Half the time the men wore suits and ties and the women wore neat dresses and a dress coat. The other half of the time the men wore work clothes and the women appeared in generally unkempt-looking shirts and blouses. Significantly, more people returned the dime when they were approached by the well-dressed man and women.

What we wear does matter. We may want others to love and accept us for who we really are, but who we are in perceived by the beholder as a total package, and clothes, it appears , are the wrappings.

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Find Your Spirit

Want more spoonfuls of spirituality? Why not spend your lunch hour trying one of these activities?

• Have a massage.


• Listen to a meditation tape.


• Get back to nature and feed the birds in the local park.


• Go to a church and just sit - learn to enjoy being by yourself and comtemplate the direction your life is taking.


• Watch children playing in the park then keep these happy thoughts with you all day.


• Take a mind journey. Imagine a peaceful place that makes you feel good and put yourself there.


• Call someone you love just to tell them how much you value them in your life.

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How to keep your spirit strong?

1. Look outward rather than inward. Can you help others through your own experiences?
2. Consider how you can use a bad situation to better yourself.
3. See life experiences as leading to personal development.
4. Try to think positively. Always keep in mind: this is another phase, better things are around the corner, life will improve.
5. Reward yourself for small gains.
6. Keep a sense of humor.
7. Maintain a perspective: look at the whole picture rather than the hiccups.
8. Find out from others who have had similar experiences – or from experts – what effects you are likely to experience and what is “normal” on these circumstances.
9. Redefine your notions of what it means to “cope” – coping or having strength does not indicate an absence of emotion.
10. Allow yourself to accept help, to be nurtured.
11. Create a list of resources – people, places, things, activities – that have the capacity to enhance your sense of wellbeing when you’re feeling distressed.
12. Continue to do simple appropriate things that remind you of your own strength and competence – once the immediate crisis has passed, set yourself achievable daily goals.
13. Allow yourself to discover your own rhythm of contact and withdrawal from distress or grief. “ Stay with” the experience for as long as seems right for you, then distract yourself with some physical activity.
14. Get plenty of rest, take gentle exercise and eat simple, nutritious, easily digested food.
15. Focus on the source of your “self”/energy/healing peace through meditation, prayer, music, scenery, message, activity or aromatherapy.
16. Take time out from newspapers or listening to miserable or horrific news stories.
17. Surround yourself with beauty.
18. Don’t allow others to impose their ideas/cures/beliefs if they don’t meet your needs – choose your own path to recovery.
19. Engage the help of an advocate – someone who knows you well enough to be assertive on your behalf when your emotional and physical energy is depleted.
20. Where possible, make the experience work for you – use your anger, indignation, fear or sadness to write a book, take risks, eliminate unnecessary baggage in your life.

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