29 January 2009

When Girls Take The Initiative


There is a thin line between being available and being too forward. The girl who gets a reputation for being a flirt finds that many of the nicer boys and girls avoid her. Yet, when a girl acts too demure or feigns coolness or disinterest out of fear, she may chase boys away and miss out on the fun of friendship and dating. It is important to remember that boys are also scared and shy, and a smile or gesture from you can begin a friendship.

Girls frequently ask if it's all right to telephone the boys they like. Well - let's look at it from the boy's point of view. If Joan calls Jim about a specific question, or to invite him to some definite affair, he can respond without necessarily feeling that she has put him on the spot. If she calls repeatedly, or for no particular purpose except to chat aimlessly, his family may tease him and he becomes embarassed by her "chasing".

Custom has it that a girl may speak first when meeting a bot on the street or in the hallway at school. She doesn't have to wait for the boy to nod or address her. It's simple courtesy that she recognize him with some friendly greeting or gesture. She does this making some pleasant sign that she recognizea the boy, and that she feels friendly toward him. She may smile or nod, or say "Hello" or "Hi, Jim!" Perhaps she'll add some casual remark.

But a girl should not interrupt a boy who is talking to someone or is with a group of fellows, or is obviously absorbed in something else. That, too, is simpe courtesy. If a boy indicates his awareness of her by disengaging himself from the group, or shows her in some other way that he knows she's there, she greets him.

A girl gets a reputation for being "fast" not because she's friendly toward boys but because of the way she behaves when they are around. The "forward" girl overly emphasizes the fact that she's a female - by the way in which she dresses, walks, talks, looks and laughs. She goes beyond the bounds of what is considered " nice" in her attention to the boys. By her seductiveness she encourages boys to be too fresh, too loud, and too boisterous.

Is it ever all right for a girl to chase a boy? Throughout the ages women have found ways of being appealing and interesting to the men they have liked. Nowadays girls taking more initiative than ever. The important thing is that a girl not be too obvious, or she defeats her own purpose. It's best if she waits for some sign of a boy's interest before she remarks on a campaign. And then she must make it Jook as though he, rather than she, is the pursuer. In Grandma's formula, it's all right for a girl to "chase a fellow until he catches her."

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