Comparing the Twilight teaser movie posters

People are freaking out about the Breaking Dawn: Part 1 teaser movie poster. It is, in the opinion of some, the worst single thing to hit the planet Earth since the nasal-inhaler-flu-”vaccine”-that-gives-them-and-everyone-they-know-the-flu-instead-of-preventing-it thing.

Which is pretty bad. So, here’s a comparison.

First, there is Twilight. Unless you’d seen (and remembered) that guy in the Potter films, or were a big fan of that girl in “Catch that Kid” (you know, the pre-teen, love-triangle, Deniro-impersonating, rock-climbing, mom-working, bank-robbing, dad-dying, snob-firing, dog-biting, aush-farting, go-cart film), you probably had little to no idea who these people were.

Plus, they’d grown up since they made those.  Even worse.  So here’s what we got:

The Twilight teaser poster (was there another poster after this?) is kind of a classic movie poster now, an integral part of our culture, an article of faith among the fandom, a cinematic treasure… he’s so cold and strong, and she’s so warm and delicate, and it’s so romantic, and it’s our teen Edward and Bella, and yet…

Why is Edward floating?  And why did they make up a quote that isn’t even in the book?  That has to do with Edward, not Bella?  And is not even a big issue for him?  Or the movie?

But they did improve the Twilight logo, mostly by doing the swirly thing in the G (artsy!), eroding it, adding the drafting lines, and by narrowing that “L” in the middle.  I mean really.  It’s like on the book, they spent, oh, 30 seconds thinking, “Hey, here’s a neat free font, and um, I know, I’ll just set this L at like 72.  Done!”  It was a good font choice, I guess, but that L is so darn thick on the books that it looks… dumb.  I think that’s the word I was searching for.

So, good logo on the teaser poster, which is really good, because the logo is pretty much what the teaser poster is all about.  And the date, which they did not forget.  Awesome.  Weird but good.  Kinda like the movie.  Moving on…

Here’s the New Moon poster, before they released many similar posters of all the character groups:

“Hey, these kids are kind of big stars!  Let’s put them on the poster!”   And the guys are back to back because:  They.  Are.  Rivals.

It’s all warm and brown, you know, like wolves.  Which is really nice.

They kept the drafting lines on the logo, which is artsy.  And good, because no more swirly on the G in Twilight, though.  You know, Chris, girls like swirly things as much as they like sparkling things.  :(  And they added a moon to the logo.  More artsy.  Cool.  Ok, they made up for the missing swirly.

And it was really thoughtful, you know, to put Edward on the poster so much, since he is pretty much missing from the film.  Thanks, Chris!  That’s so… thoughtful.  Yah, like… really… thoughtful.

So, here is the Eclipse teaser poster, with again, many more character posters being released later for the film:

Okay.  Eclipse.  Hmm.

Where to start?  First, the clouds are lit from several angles, which would pretty much have to be either the  sun or the moon… both of which are in the poster, too.  And neither of which is shining.  So that might be, you know, a problem.  Cognitive dissonance and all that.

But still: pretty clouds.  Or gloomy.  Or whatever.  Because, you know, I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now from up and down and still somehow it’s clouds’ illusions I recall; I really don’t know clouds.  At.  All.   Including why they were suddenly everywhere for things like Web page headers or fabric softener and what have you.  So, maybe Eclipse makes you smell April fresh?

And look!  The moon and sun are eclipsed (I get it!)!   But as much as I looove pretty colored lights — and you know I do — I don’t recall the sun’s light turning red all of a sudden, unless it’s like a really super smoggy day.  And then it’s more orange-y, isn’t it?  But still red is, you know, like blood, and so it’s really creepy when the sun turns to blood… except that it doesn’t really now that I think about it so forget I said that.

So the red is, um, weak.  And only part of the aurora is red, which is also cognitively dissonant.  And then there’s the logo…

You know, if this was a death metal band logo, from 15 years ago, it would be so cool.  And maybe some blood could drip off the dagger… I mean,  the letter P…  in Eclipse.   That would be so metal.

Oh, wait.  They already have that.

Or something, it’s hard to tell because mostly the red outlines just make the text hard to read.  But hey, some designer spent 15 to 20 minutes on this so you’d darn well better like it.  And they made the P into the Pointy P of Doom.  Rock.  On.

Anyway.  So yeah.  This is pretty much the weakest teaser poster.  Unless the Volturi’s cover identities when they wish to cavort among men is as a death metal band called Eclipse.  In which case that logo is totally perfect.

Maybe that part of the movie will show up in a director’s cut or something one day.  Excellent!

And then there is Breaking Dawn 1:

First, it’s, like, a photo.  No actors.  No abs.  No pouty lips or accentuated jaw lines or so-heavily-retouched-it’s-more-illustration-than-photo (see “New Moon,” above).  I think we know who is in Twilight by now, though.  Pretty sure about that, actually.  Like way too sure.

So this is… refreshing.

And the photo is of a breaking dawn, which I don’t actually see too often.   ‘Cause, you know: Internet.  And there it is.  And the range of colors is — when you really look at — kind of surprising.  Mesmerizing.

Lovely even.  Which is not a word I often use to describe marketing.  Cool.  The trees are heavily cropped.  Yet we can see they are pine trees.  So there is our setting:  Forks (which kind of redeemed the illustrations of the holy trinity illustrations in the “New Moon” poster above).  Nice to see.

And the trees are so severely cropped that you kind of want to scroll down on the poster to see more… oh, wait:   “want to see more.”   As in, go to to the movie so you can see more.  Which I guess is sort of the point.  Just clever-er than what you’d expect.  From a movie poster.

And it’s a red sky in the morning.  ”Sailor take warning.”  As in, sure, it’s all nice and peaceful right now, but later… batten down the hatches and prepare to meet your doom.  Hopeful yet foreboding…  and kind of sinister.

So.  Can I get a print of this for my living room?

Second, there’s a logo.  It has the red from the breaking dawn, but rendered more vivid and intense against a blackened sky.  [Shudder.]  And the way the gradient is lightened from below in “Breaking Dawn” is… perfect.  Too bad “the twilight saga” wasn’t lit in the same way.  Oh well.

And the “part 1″ — the boring-est thing a title could possible have in it — is really small (thank goodness) but in a cute spot, right where the sliver of the moon was in New Moon.  Clever, again.

And in this poster, the Summit logo and web address are handled more like a “feature” than  a “bug.”  Which is cool.

So, lets add up the scores!  The final ranking of the Twilight teaser posters is:

Number 1. Breaking Dawn: Part 1.  I’m serious, can I get a print of this for my living room?  Hey Summit, gimme a call.  It’s designed. It’s like the designer made a bunch of drafts, including the one they really love, and all the others that they think the client actually wanted and of course the client picks the most obnoxious one, because it “stands out.”  Except this time, the client picked the artist’s favorite.  Win.

Number 2. New Moon.  Despite Bella’s overly illustrated jaw line, its wonderful.  Great setting and change in tone from the previous poster/film.  Chris is the man.

Number 3. Twilight.  There’s our lovely Bella and angelic Edward.  Is it a horror film or a romance or…?  Which was sort of the point, if you will recall.  A classic image.  Even if Edward is floating.  Wait, is that an angel metaphor?

Number 4. Skipping  a place because otherwise Eclipse would be too far up the scale.

Number 5. And ditto.

Number 6. Eclipse.  ROCK ON METAL HEADS!!!!  COGNITIVE DISSONANCE RU…

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