Many recently divorced people are often surprised to find that they feel drawn to their ex-spouse and depressed at the loss of marriage. According to William H. Berman, Ph.D., of New York Hospital - Corneli Medical Center, these are normal reactions, a sign of separation from a person to whom one has been strongly -- even miserable -- attached. But is it helpful or harmful to dwell on these feelings? Berman interviewed sixty women, ages twenty-two to fifty-five who had been separated for less than three years. He asked some to recall a loving situation with the ex-spouse, some to recall a hostile conflict, and a control group to think about a loving exchange with a friend. Surprisingly, the women who recalled happy experiences were the ones who ruminated about their ex-husbands. The happy memories evoked feelings of "residual attachment," Berman believes, producing intrusive thoughts about loss of love -- which did not happen with the other two groups. This does not mean that divorcing couples should wallow in rage and and recriminations, says Berman. But they will need to transcend not only the hate and anger of separation but also the feelings of love and loss.
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Many recently divorced people are often surprised to find that they feel drawn to their ex-spouse and depressed at the loss of marriage. According to William H. Berman, Ph.D., of New York Hospital - Corneli Medical Center, these are normal reactions, a sign of separation from a person to whom one has been strongly -- even miserable -- attached. But is it helpful or harmful to dwell on these feelings? Berman interviewed sixty women, ages twenty-two to fifty-five who had been separated for less than three years. He asked some to recall a loving situation with the ex-spouse, some to recall a hostile conflict, and a control group to think about a loving exchange with a friend. Surprisingly, the women who recalled happy experiences were the ones who ruminated about their ex-husbands. The happy memories evoked feelings of "residual attachment," Berman believes, producing intrusive thoughts about loss of love -- which did not happen with the other two groups. This does not mean that divorcing couples should wallow in rage and and recriminations, says Berman. But they will need to transcend not only the hate and anger of separation but also the feelings of love and loss.
1 comments:
that just goes to show that if there are still feelings left couples should work hard on keeping the relationship. most often people quit at the first blow of fate, i guess it is important to remember the good times when bad things happen and try to save the marriage as much as we can.
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